Sometimes in life it may feel as though we are drowning… overwhelmed by life’s trials and demands. Expectations from external forces not to mention your own internal forces. Raw emotions. Duties that collide. Physical, mental and emotional exhaustion are likely results of prolonged stressors. I am so thankful that God includes this scenario in His Word. I can so relate with the disciples right now. “Jesus, save me. I am going to drown.” They were not going to drown, but it felt like it. I love Jesus’ reply. “Oh you of little faith, why are you so afraid?” This may seem like criticism, but I see it more as a loving reminder. It reminds me of a scene in my life when my daughter was 4 years old. She was frightened by a storm. The loud thunder scared her. She was panicking. Now I love that sweet little girl of mine. In the midst of her panic I raised my voice a bit and said “Kyra, you are safe. It’s only a storm. I am here. Daddy is here. God is here. It is going to be okay.” It was no coincidence I was going thru my own storm at the time. Those words I spoke to my child echoed through my heart from my Lord. So even now….as the storm rages and I am sure I will drown. I cry out to. Jesus. When the disciples panicked, you know what he did next? He didn’t shame or smite the disciples. He calmed the storm. He may not calm my current storm, but when I cry out to him I know he can calm my storm of emotions. #stormsoflife #anchoredinChrist

Soul Poisoning

Fret- to be anxious or worry about, to gradually wear away by rubbing or gnawing.

What is gnawing at your soul, wearing away your peace and joy? An injustice? Unfair treatment? Frustration with the success of the wicked ? Frustration with those even closest to us who can’t seem to get that one thing right or understand? Frustration with ourselves because we keep messing up or can’t seem to get it right or get over something?

See how the prescription is given before the symptom here????
Be still and wait patiently…
Not just be still, be still before the Lord.
There is a great difference.
Stillness with ourselves leads only to further torment from our own voices , the inner critic, the accuser, and even our own vindicating pride that may be excusing our OWN actions by justifying them with, but we were wronged.

We are not called to vindicate ourselves. We are told to wait on God.

As we wait, still before the Lord- He will lead, guide, and heal. He will keep us from giving into self-righteous anger and wrath.
The balm that comes soothes those deep soul wounds if we wait for it. You see it is not a balm the surgeon , the world , or even our best intentions can attain or apply. It must come from the Prince of Peace who happens to also be the Great Physician.

What woes you? An unjust boss or ruler? An unjust world! A prodigal child that hasn’t realized they’re in the pit or better yet they do but are not ready to come out? Our own self condemnation?

Remember anger over any subject is a poison that is self administered and it is insidious and makes the soul sick but it often disguises itself as a sense of justice. There may be a just cause but there is a reason we are warned against anger. Do not allow yourself this soul poison.

Wait before the Lord…wait patiently
Then your healing will come like noonday.
His promises are true, but we are called to act in order to receive the benefit from them. Surrender…. lay it on the altar…set it at the foot of the cross and allow your soul to be healed and no longer rubbed away by worry …

Untold Story

There’s a story to tell

but it’s buried a few layers deep

it is a noble and worthy tale

but it is woven in a bundle of grief

i have contemplated

procrastinated

and even purposely evaded

but i know it wont let me rest

so at its behest

i must wade in

so i can begin

to tell it

Our Star Spangled Banner

Photo credit : Snoopygrams from the art of Charles M. Schulz

For me it has always stood for freedom and opportunity for all borne out of sacrifice.

This is my country
She is not perfect
In fact she has many flaws
But what she wanted all along
Was freedom and liberty for all
She had a rough start
Made mistakes along the way
Had to make changes
So EVERYone could get a say
She won’t sugar coat it
Some were excluded at first
That has left a lifelong scars
And it will take years to overcome the hurt
she knows the scar always remains
She hopes it keeps her from that mistake again
She wants to make her mission reality
That liberty and opportunity
Is for all in this land
And while we are given voices
And freedom to take stands
And promote or cause
And defend what’s right
She wants us all to know
We have to find that thing
That is worth the fight
That one thing that can unite
She is aching and bleeding
From the division and wars
When what she wants the most
Is together let us be kind
And in kindness show love to others

Salty Tears

Ocean calls me
Like she’s my home
But I only just met her
And yet I belong

Waves rushing in
To greet the boulders
Waiting on the shore
Welcomes strangers
Same as friends

Sitting on that rock
Contemplating
Reminiscing
Dreaming
Seeking
Solitude and peace

Her icy waters soothe
Burning desires
deep soul wounds
Salty spray meets my tears
Been here a minute
Feels like years

Salt in my lungs
Water in my veins
Sun on my face
Here comes the pain

Quit holding back
Gotta let it out
Cry a sea of tears
Crashing waves of fear

Sand, sun, and sea
What a beautiful place
To make peace
With my grief

©️2023 sillypoeticnurse

Tears for Jerusalem

You wept over Jerusalem

Because they did not see

The grace that stood before them

The chance to be free

And the house of prayers

Became a den of thieves

You must weep for us now

Because we’re too blind to see

The grace offered to us all

The chance to be free

We prefer our cheap substitutes

We’ve murdered the mystery

We cling to earthly treasures

And have turned our back on Thee

Self sufficient but self has limits

Temporary pleasures of desire

Trying to warm ourselves in dying embers

Lost our touch with the Holy fire

So we bicker and fight and blame

We share so much doubt and pain

It’s more contagious than

The one hundred year plague

Despair corners us in and chokes

Out any last breaths of hope

And though I have not yet seen

the holy eastern land

I look on this land before me

And weep for my fellow man

Lord we need you

Wake us up

Too okay with sleeping

Or numbing pain with drugs

Lost our will to take a stand

Pain ain’t the only thing that’s numb

Our desire for justice for all

Our ability to discern the truth

On lies we sleep, slip and fall

We waste away our youth

Our lamp oil is running low

Wake us up from our slumber

Ready us, ignite our souls

Break this spell we’re under

Starting with seeds of doubt

self condemnation and ambitious gain

settling for counterfeit truth

Just to avoid temporary pain

Forgetting that for want of a horse

A kingdom can be lost not gained

Darkness has reared it’s head

And the headlines says evil wins

But Victory is still on the throne

It’s up to me to join in

Which side am I on?

Which side are you joining in?

Cause even the sidelines aren’t safe

And they are preying on our children

We have to stand up and fight

Or else we get sucked in

To the illusions of the night

And the labyrinths of our sins

All is not lost

But there is a cost

But a little pain

Is worth the gain

Of the precious lives at stake

Cause love alone is the final fight

and we have some ground to take

Peace Like a Sweater

This Second Sunday of Advent we light the candle symbolizing peace.
Peace – calmness, stillness, tranquility
May you steal away some quiet moments to sit in stillness and reflect on peace. I,
Shelly struggled with sitting still. I do still, but by God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s work of transformation that is ongoing in my life , I have learned how to. But truly, I will tell you I am not sure I learned it really, but I opened myself up to receive it. One morning, it was a Saturday, my daughter was still young and I was still in those early days as a nurse practitioner where the learning curve was high and working in family practice was demanding and exhausting. Keeping up with a toddler was demanding and exhausting. I loved both(obviously the toddler more) but I was spent. In fact, financially for my family the NP part was necessary. So depleted on this Saturday morning I miraculously had a few moments to myself. I remember the echo of the scripture, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). I had heard it. I had read it. I had heard others preach it and advise it. I didn’t know how to do it. I sat at my breakfast table that Saturday morning and cried out to the Lord, “Lord, what is still?? And how do I be it????”. That morning was the first, but not the last when I was embraced with this calmness. This feeling of stillness and serenity, this way my soul felt that was beyond understanding. It descended upon me like a warm mist and seemed to envelop me like the softest, gentlest cashmere. Later that morning I was moved to pen a poem and from that morning much transpired in my spiritual journey. But for the sake of this Sunday, this moment we are just going to pause at that warm embrace of the gentle , calmness that soothed my weary , exhausted body, mind and soul.

That peace I cannot give but He does.
Ask Him for it.
Then open yourself up to receive it!

Carnelian Cluster

Leaves of bronze , cider, and marigold

Greens hide deep with strongest hold

But those painted with autumn’s brush

Soon will let loose and take the plunge

Falling down

To the ground

To be trampled on

Or gathered up

Giving a time of frolic and joy

To any spirited girl or boy

Don’t you just love the sound

crunch of leaves on the ground

Trees so kind to give up her coat

Despite Winter’s customary advent

Yet Winter is the one to gloat

And makes her entry in her own time

She has caught us unaware

Coming unexpectedly in the night

And times she made us beg her here

As if we’d offended and kept her in flight

And there are times our icy friend

She lingers just a bit too long

Though you bid her adieu

She refuses to take a clue

And just continues on and on

I think her to be a tad bit vain

Unlike the timely autumn rain

Yet our trees, rooted deep and strong

Are sustained by Earth’s warm core

Til Winter permits a new guest along

Then hues of green shall spring forth

Who do you trust?

I am awoken early this first of December morn. There is much in my heart and on my mind. Frustrations from injustices heaped upon me and others. A dear family grappling with a diagnosis we prayed against. Everything in my being wants to “fix it” or seek out someone or something that can. And yet this morning, the day after I lament to those close to me that I have not supped enough with the Lord in solitude as I know he has bid me to do, I am stirred from a deep sleep.

I reach for my phone as I often do, but no senseless scrolling this time. No there is a deep peace in this still, dark morning. My soul yearns for the Word and in the digital format at my fingertips, I am led to Isaiah. In Isaiah this message seems to bounce of the screen into my very marrow.

Stop trusting in humans -.

Myself- I promise I am quite aware of my own folly and shortcomings. Despite this I often spring to action to solve any problem placed before me or those I assess from afar seeking to solve them. For it is my nature and profession to assess, diagnose, and treat problems. Yet even that skill gets only so far in my own efforts. All the study and research and experience is empty apart from the Lord’s anointing of my call to serve others in medicine or even in my gift of exhortation.

In supervisors/leaders- The work place persons who seem to have control over my life and my team’s life due to their position are not the final authority. When the conflict began months ago, the Lord told me the battle is His. I am reminded again, ‘Don’t trust humans with even your professional life.’ They have mere breath in their nostrils. The one who placed the stars in the sky, who put in place that vast ocean, who hung that moon in just the right place , yes that same one who knitted me together in my mother’s womb and gave me the breath in my nostrils and my lungs, that One is where to place my trust even with these complex challenges. The battle is His. In my strength I get weary, because I am helpless due to their position. In His strength nothing is impossible.

A diagnosis handed by a series of tests from humans does not get the last word. I have personally been privileged to witness many odds defied. I need to remain in prayer , but trust and believe in healing. I know medical diagnoses are not the final word.

Approval addiction- I struggle with the desire for my friends, family, peers, even church family to approve of me. People pleasing and approval addiction is real and a life long thorn I shall contend with because I want to be liked, approved and thought of as a joy giver and peace bringer. I should still work in the gifts of exhortation granted me to bring peace and joy, but in conjunction with His will. “Who are you trying to please God or man?”

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ

Galatians 1:10

In this early contemplative advent morning I am reminded my faith is not in humans. My faith is not in myself. My faith is not even in my faith. All of these come up short. My faith is in the living God, Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, our Emanuel – God with us. In Christ alone – all other ground is sinking sand.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you Lord for awakening me to sup with you this morning as you know it is my heart’s desire to do so though my flesh often fails. Thank you for this word of discipline, for I know, Lord, you correct the ones you love (Hebrews 12:6). Lord I pray that those of us who are in you may walk in your light, your path, and your will. Help us not to look to trust man, but to trust you alone. For you are our Maker and Redeemer. Lord bless this advent season so that I and all my brothers and sisters who seek your face may hear from you so that we may sow the seeds that we may reap a bountiful harvest for Your Kingdom. Lord let your Kingdom come in my heart and let your will be done , not mine. Let my life be a living sacrifice for you and your people all for your glory, our loving, Holy, merciful , Great God. It is in the atoning blood of the lamb of God I have access so it is in His precious name, Jesus the Christ I pray.

Amen