Salty Tears

Ocean calls me
Like she’s my home
But I only just met her
And yet I belong

Waves rushing in
To greet the boulders
Waiting on the shore
Welcomes strangers
Same as friends

Sitting on that rock
Solitude and peace

Her icy waters soothe
Burning desires
deep soul wounds
Salty spray meets my tears
Been here a minute
Feels like years

Salt in my lungs
Water in my veins
Sun on my face
Here comes the pain

Quit holding back
Gotta let it out
Cry a sea of tears
Crashing waves of fear

Sand, sun, and sea
What a beautiful place
To make peace
With my grief

©️2023 sillypoeticnurse

Peace Like a Sweater

This Second Sunday of Advent we light the candle symbolizing peace.
Peace – calmness, stillness, tranquility
May you steal away some quiet moments to sit in stillness and reflect on peace. I,
Shelly struggled with sitting still. I do still, but by God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s work of transformation that is ongoing in my life , I have learned how to. But truly, I will tell you I am not sure I learned it really, but I opened myself up to receive it. One morning, it was a Saturday, my daughter was still young and I was still in those early days as a nurse practitioner where the learning curve was high and working in family practice was demanding and exhausting. Keeping up with a toddler was demanding and exhausting. I loved both(obviously the toddler more) but I was spent. In fact, financially for my family the NP part was necessary. So depleted on this Saturday morning I miraculously had a few moments to myself. I remember the echo of the scripture, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). I had heard it. I had read it. I had heard others preach it and advise it. I didn’t know how to do it. I sat at my breakfast table that Saturday morning and cried out to the Lord, “Lord, what is still?? And how do I be it????”. That morning was the first, but not the last when I was embraced with this calmness. This feeling of stillness and serenity, this way my soul felt that was beyond understanding. It descended upon me like a warm mist and seemed to envelop me like the softest, gentlest cashmere. Later that morning I was moved to pen a poem and from that morning much transpired in my spiritual journey. But for the sake of this Sunday, this moment we are just going to pause at that warm embrace of the gentle , calmness that soothed my weary , exhausted body, mind and soul.

That peace I cannot give but He does.
Ask Him for it.
Then open yourself up to receive it!

Daddy’s Home for Easter

Radiant warmth beamed down

As we sang of truth and hope

Fellow sojourners on every side

Melodies unlocked the recesses

Of heart and mind and soul

Allowing tears to outward flow

And a soothing balm to enter in

Images and flashes of painful moments

Glimpses of hospital rooms and graves

From the back to the front of my mind

Not to haunt but to heal this time

Resurrection promises more than hope

But blessed assurance and peace

We do not think, or hope or just believe

We KNOW because he ascended

So too shall we who are alive in Him

Dad made it a point to let us know

The Christ, his Savior was his hope

So he is home and he is whole

Restored, renewed, and rejoicing

And whether it’s a whisper from him

Or a whisper from our Lord

Heaven came down to hug my soul

This sunny Easter morn

Radiant beam from the Son

On this most sacred day

To let me know my Daddy is with Our Father

And we’ll be together again

Jehovah Shalom

The world is on fire,  it’s more than I can handle. I’ll tap into the water and try to bring my share.

Sarah McLachlan

While there is nothing new under the sun, the challenges of this world can be overwhelming. Disease , illness, death, political entanglements, wars, deception…

Deep down we yearn for peace because we are made in the image of our Maker. I appeal to that image in us all to seek peace from our Maker. From that peace a river of kindness and love of our fellow man will flow. Know you are loved by a God who offers a peace that is not as the world gives peace, but a peace that transcends all of this mess. My prayer is that you may know this very peace even now.

I also invite you to pray for the people in Ukraine but also the people in Russia.
Pray for these citizens caught in the middle of this political unrest and turmoil.

Pray also for the leaders of BOTH countries that their hearts and minds will be open to find a peaceable way to live together as neighbors.

O Death, Where is your sting?

Today is my Uncle Steven Carl Hicks’ first heavenly birthday. He entered eternal rest Aug.28, 2021.

Today in church we sang these words from an opening song
“Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with Him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave
Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?”

As I sang tears streamed down my face as I both grieved my Uncle’s death and rejoiced in the truth of this song. In these tears I had simultaneously much needed pent up grief released and yes also joy.

Later during the service we sang the hymn, “Come Thou Fount”

The tears constantly flowed as I sang the words of this hymn we sang at my Grandma Arlene’s memorial. You see it was at this very memorial Unc stood up before his family and proclaimed fervently the truth that is proclaimed in that hymn. He knew this truth. It transformed him. His life changed dramatically and he yearned for all of his family to have this same hope and joy.

So today it felt as if Uncle Stevie, and Grandma (Memaw) , my two faith giants were smiling from heaven while I sang out through tears and sometimes choked through this resounding truth:

“Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood

Oh, that day when freed from sinning
I shall see Thy lovely face
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace

Come my Lord, no longer tarry
Take my ransomed soul away
Send Thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless days

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be
Let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Here’s my heart
Oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above”

And as if God through His tender, comforting Holy Spirit reached into the recesses of my grieving heart and said, “I know it hurts sweet Shelly and I am here.”

Something’s Missing

The star is missing atop the tree

And that Christmas village didn’t appear

There was something off about Christmas

Something was missing this year

I could blame being busy

but that was not the truth

What is missing this Christmas

What is missing is you

So it was hard to get started

To put up the tinsel and the tree

But I know there is joy despite the grief

And Christmas is the very reason for hope

So I dwelled on that truth to cope

And decked the halls and the mantle

And set out the advent candles

But despite my intention

Despite my peace

That star didn’t make it atop the tree

And so this year our tree top was bare

No angel or star placed up there

But it waxes poetic because my heart

This Christmas was missing a great star

But the hope of Christmas that rings true

Is where the stars and angels and newborn Savior abides

That is where my missing Christmas star is for eternal life

Happy 71st Birthday Dad

Today is Dad’s birthday. He would have been 71. It is his first birthday since his departure. While I do wish he were here and that we could have Mexican food or German chocolate cake with him one more time, I remember his last year. His mind was sharp, but his body failing him.

It is a crazy paradox: Dad’s stroke limited his body and caused him health issues, but because of it he did not spend a day of the last year of his life alone at all. Prior to that he was very lonely after losing his wife 5 years ago. That is a long time living alone without your spouse. I know he missed her and I know he was lonely so it is a peculiar thing his illness was. I do look for the silver lining in all things. Ideally he would have had company without a major illness, but risk factors of diabetes and smoking, and high blood pressure took its toll on his body.

So as much as I selfishly miss him, I know he is at peace and fully healed and restored. And I could not dare to want to bring him from such peace. I am just thankful in my time (God willing a very long time from now) I will join him and all the saints that have gone before.

Today was a busy work day. Dad has been on my mind throughout it all and I think I was feeling blah and in a funk most of the morning. I think it’s because I wish I had the day to sit, reflect, write, and even take a drive to his gravesite (not because that is my sort of thing, but it was his so in order to honor that). However duty called and it’s a Monday in cold season so we had plenty of patients most of the day.

I delayed my Facebook post of remembrance because I wanted to pen something eloquent, but then it was too lengthy. So I kept it rather simple with some photos. I figured I would save the lengthy exposition for this blog. Since it is towards the day’s end my writing is more stream of consciousness and thought processing as opposed to an eloquent or artistic tribute. Perhaps that will come soon or another day soon, but processing these thoughts are a vital part of the grief journey.

I chose after work at 7pm to keep the evening simple. Instead of cooking we ordered carry out Asian food and watched Shang Chi. I wanted Mexican food initially, it’s what we would have had for Dad or what he would of had but I did get a little choked up thinking about it and made my ultimate choice. It’s been a long weekend. My brother and newborn nephew were both in the hospital. We had my Uncle Steven’s memorial on Saturday, so Iwas pretty spent leading to this day.

I get winces of emotional pain with this or that memory which make my eyes threaten to cry on occasion, but no big cry today. Now that work is done and I did relax with dinner and movie at home with my husband and daughter, apart from fatigue I actually mostly feel peace.

I miss Dad. It is surreal almost that he is gone but deep in my soul there is a peace. A stillness. It is hard to explain but just an unusual calm. I know it is the Lord’s gift to me this day and I cherish it.

So for now I think I processed enough and I am just going to sit still and savor this peace as it has been a very long time since I have felt such a thing.

I miss you Daddy

We will see you in a little while!

Lord , thank you for your peace that surpasses understanding, sorrow, grief, illness or any circumstance.

Stilling Away

Lord I pray,

let my heart not forget,

You placed the stars in the sky

From chaos you made order

In my mind and soul you will do the same.

Lord, quiet my soul, still my heart

In time alone with you, I find peace

As the day speeds up, and life takes place

Let me not be consumed by the world’s chaos

Help me take pauses and seek your face

My Lord, my refuge, my rest, my strength

Quiet my soul, let me not forget

To surrender it all to you.

Lord, I surrender

Truth Serum

We got the winners, losers the in between 

You don’t want me to make a scene

But I’m coming clean

I won’t be obscene 

But I’m going to tell it 

Like it is

Won’t be sugar coating 

I’m not gloating 

Wish I was floating 

But your ego is bloating

Now your head is filled 

With too much of you

Took those pills

But you still you

And I’m still me

And we still can’t seem to agree

Cause you read the truth on the screen

In a magazine 

And it was in a scene

But wait a minute

It’s got you in it

But you weren’t there

And you’re not aware

They using you 

To sell the lies

To hypnotize

You are the prize

You mesmerized 

They are playing you

And playing me too

Got us shouting 



Our steps our plans our lives

Now we march in place

To their drum 

What a disgrace 

They think we’re dumb

Cause we took the bait

Swallowed up the hate

They served on a plate

And they manipulate

Don’t contemplate

Just inflate, deflate, relate

To the lies they feed

And the evil seeds

No fruit it yields

Just left in fields

That are deserts , dry

Wondering why

So let’s not comply

Stand up stand together


Let’s start forever

And Fight

For what’s right

Starting tonight

And that’s LOVE