Soul of mine, so entwined

And dare I say accustomed

To comfort, pleasure, and delight

Though once you were a child of night

And come from hard and humble places

No stranger to struggle or pain

Persistence and faith have brought great gain

And how easy it is to slip, trip and stumble

Once you make it through the desert

But remember the days in the scorching sun

Each drop of water was as gold

You clung to every word and prayer

Proclaiming truth and holding onto hope

Delivered from the desert

It didn’t take long for that milk and honey ,

To go from a blessing to an expectation

Mind yourself, guard your heart

Lest you be eating manna and begging for captivity

Soul of mine do not incline

to forget your rescue

Lest we forget, then we will drift

And become willfully captive yet again

Soul of mine, guard your mind

Seal your heart and return

To the first joy and love

Ransomed and freed from above

Remember well your rescue

Happy 71st Birthday Dad

Today is Dad’s birthday. He would have been 71. It is his first birthday since his departure. While I do wish he were here and that we could have Mexican food or German chocolate cake with him one more time, I remember his last year. His mind was sharp, but his body failing him.

It is a crazy paradox: Dad’s stroke limited his body and caused him health issues, but because of it he did not spend a day of the last year of his life alone at all. Prior to that he was very lonely after losing his wife 5 years ago. That is a long time living alone without your spouse. I know he missed her and I know he was lonely so it is a peculiar thing his illness was. I do look for the silver lining in all things. Ideally he would have had company without a major illness, but risk factors of diabetes and smoking, and high blood pressure took its toll on his body.

So as much as I selfishly miss him, I know he is at peace and fully healed and restored. And I could not dare to want to bring him from such peace. I am just thankful in my time (God willing a very long time from now) I will join him and all the saints that have gone before.

Today was a busy work day. Dad has been on my mind throughout it all and I think I was feeling blah and in a funk most of the morning. I think it’s because I wish I had the day to sit, reflect, write, and even take a drive to his gravesite (not because that is my sort of thing, but it was his so in order to honor that). However duty called and it’s a Monday in cold season so we had plenty of patients most of the day.

I delayed my Facebook post of remembrance because I wanted to pen something eloquent, but then it was too lengthy. So I kept it rather simple with some photos. I figured I would save the lengthy exposition for this blog. Since it is towards the day’s end my writing is more stream of consciousness and thought processing as opposed to an eloquent or artistic tribute. Perhaps that will come soon or another day soon, but processing these thoughts are a vital part of the grief journey.

I chose after work at 7pm to keep the evening simple. Instead of cooking we ordered carry out Asian food and watched Shang Chi. I wanted Mexican food initially, it’s what we would have had for Dad or what he would of had but I did get a little choked up thinking about it and made my ultimate choice. It’s been a long weekend. My brother and newborn nephew were both in the hospital. We had my Uncle Steven’s memorial on Saturday, so Iwas pretty spent leading to this day.

I get winces of emotional pain with this or that memory which make my eyes threaten to cry on occasion, but no big cry today. Now that work is done and I did relax with dinner and movie at home with my husband and daughter, apart from fatigue I actually mostly feel peace.

I miss Dad. It is surreal almost that he is gone but deep in my soul there is a peace. A stillness. It is hard to explain but just an unusual calm. I know it is the Lord’s gift to me this day and I cherish it.

So for now I think I processed enough and I am just going to sit still and savor this peace as it has been a very long time since I have felt such a thing.

I miss you Daddy

We will see you in a little while!

Lord , thank you for your peace that surpasses understanding, sorrow, grief, illness or any circumstance.

Independence Day

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.- John 8:36

On this 4th of July as my husband so eloquently stated my Daddy became completely free! He is free from his ailing body that was limited by the stroke and chronic illness. He was freee from all the limitations of the last year. He trusted and professed his faith in the Son, Christ Jesus.  In Christ now he is eternally free.

The next few days we will prepare a service to honor and celebrate him.  Each task that lies ahead we do with honor , the weight of grief (as we here, this side of the veil, will mourn the loss of his presence), but with peace and joy knowing Daddy is free indeed!!

I thank our Heavenly Father that we do not say goodbye to our father, but merely,  ” I’ll see you in a little while.”

Gone Fishing

Born :November 15, 1950 Indepence Day: July 4, 2021. Let freedom ring!