Let the Darkness Fear

It comes in the night to the lonely soul;

it comes in the day to the weary body;

it comes in the evening to the grieving heart;

it comes and for some seems never to part.

It wears down the mind as it tears down the soul;

Whispering lies and watering roots fed by wrong deeds, guilt, shame and fear;

Lies get stronger and then births despair.

Quiet, still, dark- the only sound is the beating of a heart.


CLASH!

BANG!

What is that explosion?

My eyes, it’s TOO bright, it is piercing.


What is it?

I can’t bear it, but my soul runs to it.

My soul yearns , burns for it.
TRUTH.

LOVE.

HOPE.

COMPASSION.

SACRIFICE.

LOVE.

HOPE.

TRUTH.


Let the darkness fear!

Christ has overcome.

Chains are breaking every day.


Warriors are rising up.

HIS Kingdom is coming, His army of LOVE is growing.

LOVE conquered death.

Let the darkness fear!

TRUTH shattered lies.

HE has overcome.

We are HIS.

We have overcome.

Let the darkness fear!

Deep Calls to Deep

A fresh page longing to be filled

Impulsivity wants to charge ahead

Read. Pray. Meditate.

Wait for God.

Too quickly I want to fix, repair, explain, solve.

Fussing and fretting in frustration.

Wait! Patience. Be still ¡Espera!

What would you have these lines say, my Lord?

Longing for understanding

Craving significance … validation… approval

Are you trying to please God or man?

Oh my soul, wait

Wait upon the Lord

Deep calls to deep

Flood my soul with your Spirit

Steady my mind

Fix it upon You alone

STOP swimming!

STOP fighting the waves

Be still

Feel your feet in the sand

Hear the waves rhythmically rolling in

See the clouds floating above, softly

Surrender

Be still

Quiet

And you shall hear My voice. 

©️2020 sillypoeticnurse

Out with old… well not all of it

Dad thrilled to have his traditional black eyed peas and cabbage for New Years Day even in the hospital

Happy New Year! As most of us are all too thrilled to put 2020 behind us as it proved a challenging year for most with a global pandemic and all, I too join in the hope of a better 2021. The reality that it won’t come overnight is manifested by my Dad’s hospitalization 2 days ago and the revelation on New Year’s Eve that he is currently in acute renal failure. He suffered a stroke on June 12 this year. He has overcome many odds and has made quite a recovery, but had a ways to go. Then on Saturday things began to change. His appetite decreased. He started complaining of pain. It was then I knew for certain something was wrong. My Dad not only has a pretty good pain tolerance, he is also quite stoic. To say he is not a complainer is an understatement. So when he called out in pain, I knew something significant was going on. I will spare all the details about the first ER visit and things missed by that ER doctor. It does not really contribute to my point.

So Dad has non-COVID pneumonia and acute renal failure. Thankfully his pain is improving and we are watching and praying for his kidneys to do the same. Today what he wanted the most was to have his traditional New Year’s Day meal with black eyed peas and cabbage.

This is an age old tradition to have good luck and prosperity for the upcoming year. It was something he has always done. My mom (his ex-wife) is his current caregiver and had prepared it for him. We just had to confirm with the nurse he had no dietary restrictions. Once we did, as I was visiting him today, I was able to meet Mom in the parking lot (only one visitor allowed in the hospital a day due to Covid restrictions as cases are peaked now) and get his requested meal and take it to him. He perked up and enjoyed his meal! It was good to see him so happy! It was good to see him actually wanting to eat as his appetite had been poor for a couple of weeks.

What strikes me the most as I reflect on this moment is this: while a clean slate, a fresh page, a new year is something we all want, need, and even crave there is something to be said about holding on to what is good from the past.

Out with the old and in with the new is too simplistic and not really gratifying. There is so much old that is valuable and even necessary. It feels like tradition is an endangered species. Cue the Fiddler on the Roof opening music. But seriously, Tevye is right,”Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as… as… as a fiddler on the roof!”

We are to seek and hold fast to what is good! This means hold onto what is good. Hold onto the old that is good as we seek what is new that is good. We must quit throwing the baby out with the bath water.

For today tradition in the form of a simple meal brought a 70 year old man who has worked hard all his life to provide for his family, who endured a divorce and all the aftermath, who care for his second wife until cancer took her too soon from him, who is spending out his days with a mind that is alert and a body that shows the toll of time. Today tradition brought some small joy to a man I love who has had a pretty rough week.

Yes we want to turn loose the ties that bind and break the yokes of oppression. But let us not be so hasty to cut every tie and chain only to find later that one of those chains was actually an anchor.

Happy New Year!

L’chaim!

Tradition!!!!!!

Santa Clause (Saint Nicholas)

Our daughter is the kid that has always had an extraordinary imagination and a believing spirit. If you messed up and the tooth fairy missed her run, she would always have a reason for it.

There are amazing stories about requests from Santa for things typically unobtainable that somehow managed to make it under the tree Christmas morn. She quit asking for gifts from Santa last year and there was never a discussion.

She knows well St. Nicholas’ story as even his feast day Dec 6 is alluded to in our Advent Story book. My husband being a historian has reminded us of St. Nicholas and his giving spirit to those in need and to children. If you are unaware of his history it will rekindle youthful joy to learn it as you will see how Santa came to operate the way he does.

This year we happen upon Christmas and not only had she and I both been feeling not well the past few days (nothing major) her grand gift for Christmas was something she had to be present to purchase and I took opportunity of a sale in November. It is her much desired and longed for electric guitar. So that given there is no pièce de résistance under the tree this morning for her to find. Knowing how she loves the mystery and magical and personally having the love language of gift giving I looked at my tree a little disappointed this morning.

Everyone is still sleeping and I did the usual move the stockings from the chimney to the tree set up. And then it happened! The Christmas Spirit kindled an idea that would keep that magic alive. The events had already taken place, the inspiration had already occured 2 weeks ago, but I just needed a quiet moment to discern it. Inspired by a story of a family who would leave a white envelope on the tree to tell one another what they did on the others behalf in the spirit of Christmas and inspired by jolly, old St Nick himself (whose desire was to mimic God in his gift giving)

I grabbed pen, paper and a bright red envelope. I wrote to my precious daughter and opened with a quote from St Nicholas himself.

The giver of every good and perfect gift has called upon us to mimic Gods giving, by grace, through faith, and this is not of ourselves.

St. Nicholas of Myra


I then told her how the magic of St. Nicholas does not die if we choose to let it live on. I explained the greatest joy is when we ourselves get to mimi Santa and thus mimicking God. I explained to her the situation we helped with and that we can continually help those persons by praying. I invited her next year to be an active participant and helping us choose to whom we shall extend the joy and magic of the Christmas spirit of giving.

Then I reaffirmed her God given gifts and a prayer she continues to develop and use those for His glory.

So when we all wake up and move towards the tree I am even more anxious to see how she will enjoy this years gift from St Nicholas and cannot wait to begin a new tradition that she can actively help bring the joy and magic of Christmas to others as we strive to imitate Christ, the most precious Christmas gift to us all!!! Happy Christmas!!! God bless us, every one!!!!

Waiting Room

December 20, 2015

Throughout life we will find ourself in the waiting room. Waiting on answers, waiting on relief, waiting on a plan, waiting on rescue, waiting for the next step. What do we do while we wait? It likely depends what we are waiting upon. We may distract ourselves with reading playing a word puzzle or playing an electronic game. If we are around others we may distract ourselves in conversation. We distract ourself from the unpleasant task of waiting.
There are seasons in life where I spend a lot of time in the waiting rooms of life. At times they are literal waiting rooms, at times figurative and may times they are both.
This morning I sit alone in this waiting room both figurative and literal. I am waiting on a loved one to return from a radiation treatment for cancer in her brain. I am waiting for answers about the full plan , the provision for her treatment and ultimately the outcome. But this morning as I sit alone, I find I am truly waiting on God.
As I wait, I think, I reflect and I pray. I flood His throne with prayers for my loved one.
As I wait for all the details to unfold and all the barriers to be overcome, I wait on a God that is able to do much more than I can conceive.
As I wait on God to act, I seek His face more fervently. I sup with Him more desperately, but also more open to hear his voice. I am waiting for his answer. As I wait for the unfolding of this particular situation, I am slowing down and craving not distraction but captivation. I want more than even the “answer” right now, for my loved ones is His peace that surpasses all understanding to envelop us even now. #waitontheLord #peaceoftheLord

Seek and ye shall find

Seek and hold fast to what is good! We are given minds to reason, explore, and discern. Our Creator could have made us robots, but instead he gave us a will that is free to choose. Why? Because love is the aim and forced love is not love at all. So explore, seek, discuss, debate, question and discern what is good and noble and true and pure and hold fast to these things.
There is a Spirit of truth that helps one overcome their own flaws, biases, self-centeredness, and brokenness to discern what is true. Seek and you shall find.

Songs in the Night

This year, this day, this moment: God is working. His light is shining in whatever darkness encroaches our lives and this world. In the midst of pandemic, illness, economic uncertainty, political unrest ,
divisiveness, discouragement, and yes even despair. If one looks for it there is a light that shines through. The light is brighter than we ourselves can perceive because of our position from it. It only takes a flicker of light to defeat darkness. My prayer for you all is despite whatever personal challenges or worldly upheaval is threatening to extinguish your light that you may know the Light of the World is eternal and has defeated the darkness. In the midst of health issues, hospitalizations, and other calamities there is also reconciliation, answered prayers, mercy triumphing over hardened hearts, healing (both likely and unlikely), provision, and a peace that goes beyond all circumstances. May you know the Light and may this HOPE sustain you even in what seems to be your darkest night.

Lukewarm

In an effort to achieve a momentary pause for respite in the midst of some serious tempests, I have found myself wading in mediocrity. I won’t deny that this weary go-getter found comfort in going with the flow. Too many hills had been charged and lacking enough effort to take on yet the slightest incline, I just stopped.

It was necessary at first, then it became comfortable. It was too easy to just stay there. Oh mind you there were the bare necessities accomplished such as daily work duties or simple physical hygiene. However anything extra just wasn’t happening.

I had become mediocre. I had neglected my housework, reading, writing, studying the word, and even my prayer life had become anemic. That was alarming because prayer for me has become almost as innate as breathing. I was spent and did not feel like a prayer warrior or warrior of any type.

The problem did not lie in my taking a break, coming up for air, or seeking some solitude or respite. The issue became that I decided to set some things down out of necessity and I was in no hurry to pick them back up again unless absolutely necessary.

Once I made it past the respite phase, there was that gnawing feeling that I needed to get back in the game. I would ignore it. It would become a little more evident and then I would find mind numbing distractions to drown it out. When it did resurface because it was accompanied by guilt, I was all too ready to slam the door in her face.

Time passes. Spiritual anemia led to an unsettled disquiet… then an almost comfortable numb. ( oh that is where that band gets that, mind you no mind altering substances were involved here). I coasted for a bit (ok a while).

Then one day I realize I am either indifferent or I find myself agitated by people, their needs, and their constant requests for help. ‘Who do they think I am, superman?’

Wait… who is that? I don’t recognize her at all. Startled by this out of character response, I realize I must snap out of it. I had downward spiraled into complacency, almost hard heartedness even. Mind you it all started as self defense.

Oh there’s the rub – self! I was trying to go it on my own again. I was operating in my own strength. No wonder I cratered, that never works. There was only one thing left to do…. run home !

This prodigal soul paces around in her book room confessing to her Heavenly Father how she has sinned in thought, word, and deed. “I have not loved You (God) with my whole heart. *sting of conviction as silent tears stream down my face* I have not loved my neighbors as myself. *more stinging in my chest and more tears* I humbly repent and am truly sorry and for the sake of thy Son, Jesus have mercy on me and forgive me. Lord I come to you not presuming, but assured. Trusting not myself but your word. I am not fit to eat even the crumbs from under your table, but You Lord are the God of our salvation and you share your bread with sinners…. Forgive me Lord a sinner who has slipped away from all that is good that you have for me to walk in. I shrank back in fatigue and fear. I tried to endure it in my own strength and I cannot and You never intended me to do so. “

The Good Father with open arms embraced me with peace. Welcomed me with robes , visited me through a sister in a Telemedicine visit. Allowed me an opportunity to pray with that sister as I was overwhelmed woth joy from our Divine appointment as the two of us ministered to one another thru a screen. Then even better I received a text and a phone call that my 6 year old niece had prayed and asked our Good Father to forgive her sins and welcome her into the kingdom as she trusted Jesus ss Lord and Savior!

My soul has been lukewarm for some time, but it was rekindled and awakened yesterday. It began with my own confession and was celebrated with a simple communion of saints and a celebration in heaven as a child of God has trusted her Lord and another child of God has run back home to the loving arms of a Good, Good Father.

ones and One

But your throne is humility and peace. And now I see that no one can be at peace until they have become humble. Humility and peace: how good it is for a man or woman to be humbled so that they can attain to peace.

– Guigo II, ninth prior of La Chartreuse

It is all to easy to get one’s pride puffed up ,even for the typically selfless person . For them Pride does not take hold due to self but often times it is their concern for others. You see Pride is an insidious foe. She creeps in slowly as if stealth and obfuscation are her prime skills. She cloaks herself in indignation and moves about in partial truths. She gets the part of the story right that is convincing and that warrants others to champion her cause. Yet she leaves out some minor details. “Oh, don’t dwell on the role you played in contributing to the issue,” she whispers, “it really did not play much a part in the bigger picture.” Unaware the soul believes it and can move forward in moral outrage and exclaim cries of ” How could you?” or “What were you thinking?” Meanwhile Pride sits back and watches the dramatic whirlwind ensue. One argues with the world and not oneself and then it is one against the world and eventually us versus them. Them is whomever is not us. The whole misery go round is self-feeding and can go on for hours, days, months, and even years if one lets it.

How does one stop the misery-go-round that Pride has oft led us to? Plain and simple: solitude. Now mind you, this time I will beg of you to depart from what Webster and the others define as solitude. For in reality solitude does not mean the state of being alone. One can be alone and not in solitude. One can be alone and not lonely. For there is the One who is all present and all knowing that is everywhere. That One does not change. It is when we are aware of the One when we are no longer alone. When we dwell on the One and get outside of our own mind and leave the self behind and the need to be validated, entertained, understood, heard or needed that we are ready to experience solitude. When one can take one’s mind beyond self and place it upon the One, then we reach solitude.

In this sacred, hidden place this is where the part truths become apparent. This is where Truth is revealed and the light is shone on Pride, Envy, Lust, Greed, Wrath, Sloth and Gluttony and all of their minions. The mind becomes aware of what the soul in its inner core knew all along because it was made by the One in the image and likeness of the One. The body and mind drifted from the One and thus has made the soul sick. However the One is not only all knowing, all present and just. The One is also loving and merciful. The One offers a balm no earthly physician could ever manage. While in the material we have learned many ways to heal the body, only the One can heal the soul.

Once this reality becomes apparent one can see the Truth and is humbled by the reality of justice, truth, goodness and though the One could stop there with this revelation that leads to humility, the One does not. The One chooses to take the ones in the humbled places and envelop them in love, mercy, and grace and this leaves one with peace. This peace transcends all things. Then solitude as Webster defines it is thrown out forever. For never again shall ones who know the One be alone again, ever.