Tag: hope

Out with old… well not all of it

Dad thrilled to have his traditional black eyed peas and cabbage for New Years Day even in the hospital

Happy New Year! As most of us are all too thrilled to put 2020 behind us as it proved a challenging year for most with a global pandemic and all, I too join in the hope of a better 2021. The reality that it won’t come overnight is manifested by my Dad’s hospitalization 2 days ago and the revelation on New Year’s Eve that he is currently in acute renal failure. He suffered a stroke on June 12 this year. He has overcome many odds and has made quite a recovery, but had a ways to go. Then on Saturday things began to change. His appetite decreased. He started complaining of pain. It was then I knew for certain something was wrong. My Dad not only has a pretty good pain tolerance, he is also quite stoic. To say he is not a complainer is an understatement. So when he called out in pain, I knew something significant was going on. I will spare all the details about the first ER visit and things missed by that ER doctor. It does not really contribute to my point.

So Dad has non-COVID pneumonia and acute renal failure. Thankfully his pain is improving and we are watching and praying for his kidneys to do the same. Today what he wanted the most was to have his traditional New Year’s Day meal with black eyed peas and cabbage.

This is an age old tradition to have good luck and prosperity for the upcoming year. It was something he has always done. My mom (his ex-wife) is his current caregiver and had prepared it for him. We just had to confirm with the nurse he had no dietary restrictions. Once we did, as I was visiting him today, I was able to meet Mom in the parking lot (only one visitor allowed in the hospital a day due to Covid restrictions as cases are peaked now) and get his requested meal and take it to him. He perked up and enjoyed his meal! It was good to see him so happy! It was good to see him actually wanting to eat as his appetite had been poor for a couple of weeks.

What strikes me the most as I reflect on this moment is this: while a clean slate, a fresh page, a new year is something we all want, need, and even crave there is something to be said about holding on to what is good from the past.

Out with the old and in with the new is too simplistic and not really gratifying. There is so much old that is valuable and even necessary. It feels like tradition is an endangered species. Cue the Fiddler on the Roof opening music. But seriously, Tevye is right,”Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as… as… as a fiddler on the roof!”

We are to seek and hold fast to what is good! This means hold onto what is good. Hold onto the old that is good as we seek what is new that is good. We must quit throwing the baby out with the bath water.

For today tradition in the form of a simple meal brought a 70 year old man who has worked hard all his life to provide for his family, who endured a divorce and all the aftermath, who care for his second wife until cancer took her too soon from him, who is spending out his days with a mind that is alert and a body that shows the toll of time. Today tradition brought some small joy to a man I love who has had a pretty rough week.

Yes we want to turn loose the ties that bind and break the yokes of oppression. But let us not be so hasty to cut every tie and chain only to find later that one of those chains was actually an anchor.

Happy New Year!

L’chaim!

Tradition!!!!!!

Santa Clause (Saint Nicholas)

Our daughter is the kid that has always had an extraordinary imagination and a believing spirit. If you messed up and the tooth fairy missed her run, she would always have a reason for it.

There are amazing stories about requests from Santa for things typically unobtainable that somehow managed to make it under the tree Christmas morn. She quit asking for gifts from Santa last year and there was never a discussion.

She knows well St. Nicholas’ story as even his feast day Dec 6 is alluded to in our Advent Story book. My husband being a historian has reminded us of St. Nicholas and his giving spirit to those in need and to children. If you are unaware of his history it will rekindle youthful joy to learn it as you will see how Santa came to operate the way he does.

This year we happen upon Christmas and not only had she and I both been feeling not well the past few days (nothing major) her grand gift for Christmas was something she had to be present to purchase and I took opportunity of a sale in November. It is her much desired and longed for electric guitar. So that given there is no pièce de résistance under the tree this morning for her to find. Knowing how she loves the mystery and magical and personally having the love language of gift giving I looked at my tree a little disappointed this morning.

Everyone is still sleeping and I did the usual move the stockings from the chimney to the tree set up. And then it happened! The Christmas Spirit kindled an idea that would keep that magic alive. The events had already taken place, the inspiration had already occured 2 weeks ago, but I just needed a quiet moment to discern it. Inspired by a story of a family who would leave a white envelope on the tree to tell one another what they did on the others behalf in the spirit of Christmas and inspired by jolly, old St Nick himself (whose desire was to mimic God in his gift giving)

I grabbed pen, paper and a bright red envelope. I wrote to my precious daughter and opened with a quote from St Nicholas himself.

The giver of every good and perfect gift has called upon us to mimic Gods giving, by grace, through faith, and this is not of ourselves.

St. Nicholas of Myra


I then told her how the magic of St. Nicholas does not die if we choose to let it live on. I explained the greatest joy is when we ourselves get to mimi Santa and thus mimicking God. I explained to her the situation we helped with and that we can continually help those persons by praying. I invited her next year to be an active participant and helping us choose to whom we shall extend the joy and magic of the Christmas spirit of giving.

Then I reaffirmed her God given gifts and a prayer she continues to develop and use those for His glory.

So when we all wake up and move towards the tree I am even more anxious to see how she will enjoy this years gift from St Nicholas and cannot wait to begin a new tradition that she can actively help bring the joy and magic of Christmas to others as we strive to imitate Christ, the most precious Christmas gift to us all!!! Happy Christmas!!! God bless us, every one!!!!

Songs in the Night

This year, this day, this moment: God is working. His light is shining in whatever darkness encroaches our lives and this world. In the midst of pandemic, illness, economic uncertainty, political unrest ,
divisiveness, discouragement, and yes even despair. If one looks for it there is a light that shines through. The light is brighter than we ourselves can perceive because of our position from it. It only takes a flicker of light to defeat darkness. My prayer for you all is despite whatever personal challenges or worldly upheaval is threatening to extinguish your light that you may know the Light of the World is eternal and has defeated the darkness. In the midst of health issues, hospitalizations, and other calamities there is also reconciliation, answered prayers, mercy triumphing over hardened hearts, healing (both likely and unlikely), provision, and a peace that goes beyond all circumstances. May you know the Light and may this HOPE sustain you even in what seems to be your darkest night.

ones and One

But your throne is humility and peace. And now I see that no one can be at peace until they have become humble. Humility and peace: how good it is for a man or woman to be humbled so that they can attain to peace.

– Guigo II, ninth prior of La Chartreuse

It is all to easy to get one’s pride puffed up ,even for the typically selfless person . For them Pride does not take hold due to self but often times it is their concern for others. You see Pride is an insidious foe. She creeps in slowly as if stealth and obfuscation are her prime skills. She cloaks herself in indignation and moves about in partial truths. She gets the part of the story right that is convincing and that warrants others to champion her cause. Yet she leaves out some minor details. “Oh, don’t dwell on the role you played in contributing to the issue,” she whispers, “it really did not play much a part in the bigger picture.” Unaware the soul believes it and can move forward in moral outrage and exclaim cries of ” How could you?” or “What were you thinking?” Meanwhile Pride sits back and watches the dramatic whirlwind ensue. One argues with the world and not oneself and then it is one against the world and eventually us versus them. Them is whomever is not us. The whole misery go round is self-feeding and can go on for hours, days, months, and even years if one lets it.

How does one stop the misery-go-round that Pride has oft led us to? Plain and simple: solitude. Now mind you, this time I will beg of you to depart from what Webster and the others define as solitude. For in reality solitude does not mean the state of being alone. One can be alone and not in solitude. One can be alone and not lonely. For there is the One who is all present and all knowing that is everywhere. That One does not change. It is when we are aware of the One when we are no longer alone. When we dwell on the One and get outside of our own mind and leave the self behind and the need to be validated, entertained, understood, heard or needed that we are ready to experience solitude. When one can take one’s mind beyond self and place it upon the One, then we reach solitude.

In this sacred, hidden place this is where the part truths become apparent. This is where Truth is revealed and the light is shone on Pride, Envy, Lust, Greed, Wrath, Sloth and Gluttony and all of their minions. The mind becomes aware of what the soul in its inner core knew all along because it was made by the One in the image and likeness of the One. The body and mind drifted from the One and thus has made the soul sick. However the One is not only all knowing, all present and just. The One is also loving and merciful. The One offers a balm no earthly physician could ever manage. While in the material we have learned many ways to heal the body, only the One can heal the soul.

Once this reality becomes apparent one can see the Truth and is humbled by the reality of justice, truth, goodness and though the One could stop there with this revelation that leads to humility, the One does not. The One chooses to take the ones in the humbled places and envelop them in love, mercy, and grace and this leaves one with peace. This peace transcends all things. Then solitude as Webster defines it is thrown out forever. For never again shall ones who know the One be alone again, ever.

Tidal Wave

Penned September 2017 reflecting on Hurricane Harvey

Seems like weeks,

what has been days

So elated to feel the sun rays


Weathered the storm


Anchored in hope


Feeling overcome


Tired and weary souls

The might of the wind and rain

Leaves refuse and rubble

Our safe places devastated

Evidence of all our troubles

Oh, but it is not over yet…

Brace yourself for the final wave

Like nothing you have seen

It’s rising up today

See this tidal wave-

Friends and strangers

Family and neighbors

Going into the storm

Rescues and
helping hands

lined up in rows

Work to do, love to give

Feeding hungry

Tearing down walls

In this aftermath

The storm has raged

But love has conquered all

It is rising up and spilling over

This tidal wave of love

Love is our anthem

Love is our hope

It is how we carry on

Destruction left its mark

But Love has overcome

Roller Coaster

It was a definite hill and valley day. The transitions between were rapid causing the roller coaster ride feeling- the adrenaline and excitement of the high and deep pitted nausea with the sudden dips.

This morning as I pulled into work I heard my email notification on my phone. After parking I glanced down and noticed there was an email from the publisher to whom I had submitted some of my work back in April.

Anxiously, I read the email which informed me the 3 short stories and 4 poems I had submitted were all accepted for publication in an upcoming anthology. I was thrilled! This propels me forward as a writer and closer to a major life goal.

Elated, but with much to do I dove into work with another full schedule of patients due to COVID.

Later that morning, I would have a meeting with the interdisciplinary team at Dad’s skilled nursing facility to get an update on his progess. I was hoping not only to learn of his progess, but to get insight into how long they think he will remain in their care. We still had to figure out where he would be discharged and in order to plan for that knowing his medical needs was crucial.

During the meeting I learned Dad’s mobility and functional status with updates from physical and speech therapy. Unfortunately, however, I did not get any light shed on an estimated discharge day. They essentially repeated insurance dictates how long they will pay based upon his skilled nursing need and once they choose to discontinue coverage we have three days. 3 days! That is not enough time to plan anything like this.

My siblings and I had not reached a decision because we did not know what care Dad would need, what all of our options were, the cost of each option, the resources available, and we were also balancing all of our other life demands. This is uncharted waters. Yes, I am a healthcare provider, however, I don’t deal with insurance or financial aspects (thank God). I just take care of people. So as the eldest sibling I would lead the charge and yet the reality was I was fumbling blindly in the dark through a room none of us wanted to be in, especially Dad.

My stomach was as if I had circus monkeys wrecking a tent. It was a quick drop to a low spot on this ride. My head spinning, I had to clutch onto reason. I knew the harsh reality is we needed a discharge plan ASAP. I did not know where to begin. In the valley of uncertainty, fear, and deep concern for my father I was overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I wanted to scream, cry, run and hide all at the same time.

I pressed on.

The theme of my 3 short stories that I submitted were this: God’s provision in an unexpected family tragedy, God’s mercy and grace has no boundaries,  God’s presence and love reflected in caregiving. Those stories are inspired by events of my life  6 years ago and greater. I have run through those stories over and over since submitting them. As an aspiring author, one hopes to have work that not only reaches an audience, but to also know their work is really good enough to have an impact and meaning. So as I currently recalled each story in the back and forth thoughts in my mind, I decided to stay there for a minute. In the space where the themes of these stories lived in my mind I remembered the family tragedy and God making his presence undeniably known through each step. I dwelt on God’s provision, mercy, and grace illustrated in each of these works. There that is where I needed to rest my mind for just a bit.

Reminded of God’s faithfulness and renewed with resolve I pushed on.
Now the new challenge is navigating uncharted waters of finding long term care for Dad because of his limitations after the stroke leaves him requiring complex medical care and constant supervision. His needs are great. Our financial resources are limited. But I press on with hope because of our loving, merciful, all powerful, and infinitely resourceful God. I also hang on with hope to the truth that as much we love Daddy, God loves him even more.

I am your God and will take care of you until you are old and your hair is gray. I made you and will care for you; I will give you help and rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4