Tag: Faith

Broken Beautiful

When our daughter was about 4 she made this. We often spent many nice weather days in the garage working on messy crafts. One day a bottle of glitter glue fell and shattered. The older plastic had less flexibility so it did not handle the quick impact too well.  Well that sweet girl of mine was not bothered in the least.  She grabbed the broken pieces and other refuse from the messy garage created by previous art projects and went to work on this masterpiece.  I have saved it. My daughter has been gifted from our Maker with many artistic talents. It is amazing to witness her discover them, improve them and  watch her flourish. This however will always remain one of my favorites. Out of a broken mess, an unexpected shattering of beauty and some unlikely items others would easily discard, (present company included) my sweet girl saw usefulness and with just the right handling beauty resulted.  Our homes, our careers, our relationships , our marriages, our finances, our parenting, our physical health, our emotions, lives, our souls may be shattered, a mess, or seeming like garbage.  I am certain my friends if we would trust whatever it is in the hands of our faithful, loving Maker he can transform it into a masterpiece.  It is so hard to trust the process. It is so hard to see sometimes beyond the chaos, pain and mess. Trust me I am the optimist and I struggle, but He will weave together something more beautiful than we could ever have dreamed.  Praying you have peace and trust our Master Potter with our messy, broken vessels.

Calm in the storm

The day began rough with a sleepless night, a sick loved one and an unexpected calling out of work to take them for an urgent visit. (Thankfully all will be well). Since I missed work I was able to go to church tonight. Due to my work schedule I really don’t get to attend Wednesday night service at church anymore.  When I first visited St. Timothy’s all those years ago  it was on a Wednesday night.  In fact early on before we had affirmation from the Lord this would indeed become our new church home we would attend Wed night services here and our prior church Sundays.  This has been home for more than 10 years now. How I love the sounds of Sunday morning and all of the smiling faces and the beautiful worship Sunday services, there is just something about Wed night , calmer pace , quieter, simpler Eucharist service that just ministers to my soul.  Tonight it was a much needed balm for a weary soul.  Even attending the service meant I had to trust God that my ill family member was in good care and ok while I left home to attend the service. I had to lay everything my worries, my fears, my exhaustion, my regrets (missing work means rescheduling patients and disrupting their lives too), the whole mess of it….I had to choose to lay it at the foot of the cross.  In return I was given peace, hope restored, and some soul healing for myself as I was able to stand around the altar with my brothers and sisters, my husband, and my priest and experience the thin veil between heaven and earth pulled aside so that we the church militant could sup with our Lord in Holy Communion with a great cloud of witnesses, the church triumphant.  Oh the souls I know in love in that Church Triumphant and the ones I have yet to know. What a glorious day that will be.  For now I am thankful for the fellowship of believers in my parish at St. Timothy’s led by my priest who is a very good shepherd.  I am thankful for the calm and peace of this slower pace , quiet Wed night Eucharist service.  I am thankful that we have a God who meets all of our needs according to the riches we have in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)

Pulse

Trying to find that rhythm
Trying to find that flow
Going too fast
Need time to slow
Down
My thoughts
My breaths
My movement
Trying to find that place
Trying to find that peace.
That transcends
Landscapes
Circumstance
I caught a glimpse
Of it perchance
A gaze
To get me through the days
When it’s rushing around the bend
And all my soul craves
Is a peaceful drift
Afloat a river
Whose banks are carved
Amidst red giants
Reaching heaven bound
Yet just as content
Their foundation is a dusty ground
For now I’m in this sweaty bog
Taunted by a frog
Whose insect snacks
Are slowly eating at me
Why can’t I be like that toad
And consume the thing
That bugs me
Not just to stuff and hold
Til I explode
But digest
Process
Excrete
Defeat
Then Rest..
Head is swimming round
Keep feeling I might drown
In all the things I must do
Got to stay afloat
Grab the rope
Call out to Hope
Cause it’s gonna pull me through
And today might be my breakthrough


©2024 sillypoeticnurse (Shelly L. Huckaby)

Mercy Triumphs


We think we all know the truth
But the truth knows you
And we are only guessing
Answers to questions
And we fill in the gaps
To feel less trapped
To satiate, placate, compensate
We want to relate
But we can’t truly state
That we don’t know
Cannot know
What is mystery
Want to burn that down
Drown it out
Explain it away
Killing the truth along the way
I read and I heard
You’re wrong
You read and you heard
My thoughts are absurd
And the whispers want us in despair
To think this goes nowhere
To think hope is lost
That we can’t afford the cost
And the kingdom and its treasures
Were only for them anyway
Not for you
You’re not chosen
You’re just too broken
You’re just cannon fodder
In a war of gods and politicians
Forget truth , throw out traditions
Nothing matters , no one cares
That’s the lie they serve
And the deceiver is convincing
We drown in our sorrow and shame
Forget the one who knows our name
Who places his claim
Cause they twisted the truth
And said it’s not for you
The lies they weave
And we believe
Too easily
Because we know what we’ve done
But the truth is real
Slowly revealed
And it’s not wearing crown jewels
And it doesn’t get first bill
Not winning plastic trophies
Or making dollar bills
So don’t listen to the masses
They are just as broken as you
Don’t listen the headlines
That say the sky is falling too
Here’s a little secret they won’t tell you
It’s been falling all this time
And yet we’re fine
Cause there is a truth
That drowns out lies
Capsizes fear
Defeats despair
And it does not discriminate
It does not hate
It rescues
It renews
It resurrects
Restores
Hope is alive
Cause hope was born
Before we ever came
Before we had a name
So tune out the lies
And the egotistic
Narcissist
Chest beaters that say they know
Look to see the truth being shown
Love being grown
Life being sown
Lost coming home
Mercy being shown
Because justice reigns
But Truth and Love proclaims
Mercy Triumphs!

©2024 Shelly L. Hickaby

Soul Poisoning

Fret- to be anxious or worry about, to gradually wear away by rubbing or gnawing.

What is gnawing at your soul, wearing away your peace and joy? An injustice? Unfair treatment? Frustration with the success of the wicked ? Frustration with those even closest to us who can’t seem to get that one thing right or understand? Frustration with ourselves because we keep messing up or can’t seem to get it right or get over something?

See how the prescription is given before the symptom here????
Be still and wait patiently…
Not just be still, be still before the Lord.
There is a great difference.
Stillness with ourselves leads only to further torment from our own voices , the inner critic, the accuser, and even our own vindicating pride that may be excusing our OWN actions by justifying them with, but we were wronged.

We are not called to vindicate ourselves. We are told to wait on God.

As we wait, still before the Lord- He will lead, guide, and heal. He will keep us from giving into self-righteous anger and wrath.
The balm that comes soothes those deep soul wounds if we wait for it. You see it is not a balm the surgeon , the world , or even our best intentions can attain or apply. It must come from the Prince of Peace who happens to also be the Great Physician.

What woes you? An unjust boss or ruler? An unjust world! A prodigal child that hasn’t realized they’re in the pit or better yet they do but are not ready to come out? Our own self condemnation?

Remember anger over any subject is a poison that is self administered and it is insidious and makes the soul sick but it often disguises itself as a sense of justice. There may be a just cause but there is a reason we are warned against anger. Do not allow yourself this soul poison.

Wait before the Lord…wait patiently
Then your healing will come like noonday.
His promises are true, but we are called to act in order to receive the benefit from them. Surrender…. lay it on the altar…set it at the foot of the cross and allow your soul to be healed and no longer rubbed away by worry …

Tears for Jerusalem

You wept over Jerusalem

Because they did not see

The grace that stood before them

The chance to be free

And the house of prayers

Became a den of thieves

You must weep for us now

Because we’re too blind to see

The grace offered to us all

The chance to be free

We prefer our cheap substitutes

We’ve murdered the mystery

We cling to earthly treasures

And have turned our back on Thee

Self sufficient but self has limits

Temporary pleasures of desire

Trying to warm ourselves in dying embers

Lost our touch with the Holy fire

So we bicker and fight and blame

We share so much doubt and pain

It’s more contagious than

The one hundred year plague

Despair corners us in and chokes

Out any last breaths of hope

And though I have not yet seen

the holy eastern land

I look on this land before me

And weep for my fellow man

Lord we need you

Wake us up

Too okay with sleeping

Or numbing pain with drugs

Lost our will to take a stand

Pain ain’t the only thing that’s numb

Our desire for justice for all

Our ability to discern the truth

On lies we sleep, slip and fall

We waste away our youth

Our lamp oil is running low

Wake us up from our slumber

Ready us, ignite our souls

Break this spell we’re under

Starting with seeds of doubt

self condemnation and ambitious gain

settling for counterfeit truth

Just to avoid temporary pain

Forgetting that for want of a horse

A kingdom can be lost not gained

Darkness has reared it’s head

And the headlines says evil wins

But Victory is still on the throne

It’s up to me to join in

Which side am I on?

Which side are you joining in?

Cause even the sidelines aren’t safe

And they are preying on our children

We have to stand up and fight

Or else we get sucked in

To the illusions of the night

And the labyrinths of our sins

All is not lost

But there is a cost

But a little pain

Is worth the gain

Of the precious lives at stake

Cause love alone is the final fight

and we have some ground to take

Peace Like a Sweater

This Second Sunday of Advent we light the candle symbolizing peace.
Peace – calmness, stillness, tranquility
May you steal away some quiet moments to sit in stillness and reflect on peace. I,
Shelly struggled with sitting still. I do still, but by God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s work of transformation that is ongoing in my life , I have learned how to. But truly, I will tell you I am not sure I learned it really, but I opened myself up to receive it. One morning, it was a Saturday, my daughter was still young and I was still in those early days as a nurse practitioner where the learning curve was high and working in family practice was demanding and exhausting. Keeping up with a toddler was demanding and exhausting. I loved both(obviously the toddler more) but I was spent. In fact, financially for my family the NP part was necessary. So depleted on this Saturday morning I miraculously had a few moments to myself. I remember the echo of the scripture, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). I had heard it. I had read it. I had heard others preach it and advise it. I didn’t know how to do it. I sat at my breakfast table that Saturday morning and cried out to the Lord, “Lord, what is still?? And how do I be it????”. That morning was the first, but not the last when I was embraced with this calmness. This feeling of stillness and serenity, this way my soul felt that was beyond understanding. It descended upon me like a warm mist and seemed to envelop me like the softest, gentlest cashmere. Later that morning I was moved to pen a poem and from that morning much transpired in my spiritual journey. But for the sake of this Sunday, this moment we are just going to pause at that warm embrace of the gentle , calmness that soothed my weary , exhausted body, mind and soul.

That peace I cannot give but He does.
Ask Him for it.
Then open yourself up to receive it!

Who do you trust?

I am awoken early this first of December morn. There is much in my heart and on my mind. Frustrations from injustices heaped upon me and others. A dear family grappling with a diagnosis we prayed against. Everything in my being wants to “fix it” or seek out someone or something that can. And yet this morning, the day after I lament to those close to me that I have not supped enough with the Lord in solitude as I know he has bid me to do, I am stirred from a deep sleep.

I reach for my phone as I often do, but no senseless scrolling this time. No there is a deep peace in this still, dark morning. My soul yearns for the Word and in the digital format at my fingertips, I am led to Isaiah. In Isaiah this message seems to bounce of the screen into my very marrow.

Stop trusting in humans -.

Myself- I promise I am quite aware of my own folly and shortcomings. Despite this I often spring to action to solve any problem placed before me or those I assess from afar seeking to solve them. For it is my nature and profession to assess, diagnose, and treat problems. Yet even that skill gets only so far in my own efforts. All the study and research and experience is empty apart from the Lord’s anointing of my call to serve others in medicine or even in my gift of exhortation.

In supervisors/leaders- The work place persons who seem to have control over my life and my team’s life due to their position are not the final authority. When the conflict began months ago, the Lord told me the battle is His. I am reminded again, ‘Don’t trust humans with even your professional life.’ They have mere breath in their nostrils. The one who placed the stars in the sky, who put in place that vast ocean, who hung that moon in just the right place , yes that same one who knitted me together in my mother’s womb and gave me the breath in my nostrils and my lungs, that One is where to place my trust even with these complex challenges. The battle is His. In my strength I get weary, because I am helpless due to their position. In His strength nothing is impossible.

A diagnosis handed by a series of tests from humans does not get the last word. I have personally been privileged to witness many odds defied. I need to remain in prayer , but trust and believe in healing. I know medical diagnoses are not the final word.

Approval addiction- I struggle with the desire for my friends, family, peers, even church family to approve of me. People pleasing and approval addiction is real and a life long thorn I shall contend with because I want to be liked, approved and thought of as a joy giver and peace bringer. I should still work in the gifts of exhortation granted me to bring peace and joy, but in conjunction with His will. “Who are you trying to please God or man?”

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ

Galatians 1:10

In this early contemplative advent morning I am reminded my faith is not in humans. My faith is not in myself. My faith is not even in my faith. All of these come up short. My faith is in the living God, Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, our Emanuel – God with us. In Christ alone – all other ground is sinking sand.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you Lord for awakening me to sup with you this morning as you know it is my heart’s desire to do so though my flesh often fails. Thank you for this word of discipline, for I know, Lord, you correct the ones you love (Hebrews 12:6). Lord I pray that those of us who are in you may walk in your light, your path, and your will. Help us not to look to trust man, but to trust you alone. For you are our Maker and Redeemer. Lord bless this advent season so that I and all my brothers and sisters who seek your face may hear from you so that we may sow the seeds that we may reap a bountiful harvest for Your Kingdom. Lord let your Kingdom come in my heart and let your will be done , not mine. Let my life be a living sacrifice for you and your people all for your glory, our loving, Holy, merciful , Great God. It is in the atoning blood of the lamb of God I have access so it is in His precious name, Jesus the Christ I pray.

Amen

Cup of Life

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

Ephesians 2:13 NIV

Blood of Christ, cup of salvation
Who doth drink from this cup?
Our cup was death
and sin’s poisonous effects.
He took that cup for us…
He drank it in our place

His blood was shed
and we- whose cup was death
now are offered to drink
from the cup of life and salvation

We who were far off are drawn close
Do you hear Him calling?