Tag: prayer

Who do you trust?

I am awoken early this first of December morn. There is much in my heart and on my mind. Frustrations from injustices heaped upon me and others. A dear family grappling with a diagnosis we prayed against. Everything in my being wants to “fix it” or seek out someone or something that can. And yet this morning, the day after I lament to those close to me that I have not supped enough with the Lord in solitude as I know he has bid me to do, I am stirred from a deep sleep.

I reach for my phone as I often do, but no senseless scrolling this time. No there is a deep peace in this still, dark morning. My soul yearns for the Word and in the digital format at my fingertips, I am led to Isaiah. In Isaiah this message seems to bounce of the screen into my very marrow.

Stop trusting in humans -.

Myself- I promise I am quite aware of my own folly and shortcomings. Despite this I often spring to action to solve any problem placed before me or those I assess from afar seeking to solve them. For it is my nature and profession to assess, diagnose, and treat problems. Yet even that skill gets only so far in my own efforts. All the study and research and experience is empty apart from the Lord’s anointing of my call to serve others in medicine or even in my gift of exhortation.

In supervisors/leaders- The work place persons who seem to have control over my life and my team’s life due to their position are not the final authority. When the conflict began months ago, the Lord told me the battle is His. I am reminded again, ‘Don’t trust humans with even your professional life.’ They have mere breath in their nostrils. The one who placed the stars in the sky, who put in place that vast ocean, who hung that moon in just the right place , yes that same one who knitted me together in my mother’s womb and gave me the breath in my nostrils and my lungs, that One is where to place my trust even with these complex challenges. The battle is His. In my strength I get weary, because I am helpless due to their position. In His strength nothing is impossible.

A diagnosis handed by a series of tests from humans does not get the last word. I have personally been privileged to witness many odds defied. I need to remain in prayer , but trust and believe in healing. I know medical diagnoses are not the final word.

Approval addiction- I struggle with the desire for my friends, family, peers, even church family to approve of me. People pleasing and approval addiction is real and a life long thorn I shall contend with because I want to be liked, approved and thought of as a joy giver and peace bringer. I should still work in the gifts of exhortation granted me to bring peace and joy, but in conjunction with His will. “Who are you trying to please God or man?”

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ

Galatians 1:10

In this early contemplative advent morning I am reminded my faith is not in humans. My faith is not in myself. My faith is not even in my faith. All of these come up short. My faith is in the living God, Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, our Emanuel – God with us. In Christ alone – all other ground is sinking sand.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you Lord for awakening me to sup with you this morning as you know it is my heart’s desire to do so though my flesh often fails. Thank you for this word of discipline, for I know, Lord, you correct the ones you love (Hebrews 12:6). Lord I pray that those of us who are in you may walk in your light, your path, and your will. Help us not to look to trust man, but to trust you alone. For you are our Maker and Redeemer. Lord bless this advent season so that I and all my brothers and sisters who seek your face may hear from you so that we may sow the seeds that we may reap a bountiful harvest for Your Kingdom. Lord let your Kingdom come in my heart and let your will be done , not mine. Let my life be a living sacrifice for you and your people all for your glory, our loving, Holy, merciful , Great God. It is in the atoning blood of the lamb of God I have access so it is in His precious name, Jesus the Christ I pray.

Amen

December 2- this and that

Reflections on Malcolm Guite’s Waiting on the Word December 2 excerpt:

Guite introduces us to Grevel Lindop’s poem, The Moon. As Guite discusses Lindop’s poem captures so beautifully in words the reality of time, memories. Something so valuable and precious like jewels but unable to quantify. These precious moments given to us first by our Creator and then by those we share the memories with cannot be fully captured so at best we poets and writers hope to take glimpses of the beauty and preserve it for others in verse or prose.

With the recent losses this past year including my Daddy and my dear Uncle Stevie the value of precious memories has been truly realized. I am thankful for some social media posts and some snapshots that captured some recent precious moments. I am very thankful my Uncle Stevie wrote some memoirs. We have his thoughts captured on paper to hold onto. These memories are likely underrated by the author at the time, but it is priceless to the author’s loved ones. My Uncle was not a writer by profession or hobby, but I am so glad he shared his thoughts. I encourage anyone reading this to do something similar. You have no idea the treasure it will be for your family some day. It has encouraged me to really stop putting my writing on the back burner or low on the priority list. There is always more to do.

I love to write so why would I deny myself the opportunity to do so? The aforementioned time issue, putting everyone and everything else first , and perfectionism. Yes, because I don’t have eloquent pearls of words strung together for the moment I feel I should say nothing. However all the advice from authors states the first and foremost thing to do is just write. Write often. In the process the jewels will come. There will be many diamonds in the rough and many a lump of coal. However you can’t get to the pearls without the rough stuff to smooth the edges.

Thus here I am absolutely exhausted, worried about a couple of sick family and overwhelmed by a full calendar, but I have chosen to write this. To reflect on this morning’s Advent reading, to just get these thoughts out and hopefully clear some space for some future beautiful work to blossom.

So let me conclude this therapeutic goulash with a prayer

Heavenly Father, Creator of Light and Order ,

I humbly beseech you to heal my nephew James, my brother Louis and all of those whom are on my prayer list. Lord Jesus, you are the Great Physician. Heal them. Meet all their needs according to your riches Christ Jesus. Give us peace as we wait for healing. Give wisdom to those entrusted with their care. Help me to lay my loved ones at your feet. As much as I love them, you love them more.

Lord helps us during this advent season not only to seek you for what you do and can do for us but just who you are. Let our communion with you , the Light of the World be enough

Thank you for overcoming the darkness, defeating death and offering life to your beloved. Help us use that life for your glory.

Lord Jesus heal baby James. Heal his foot. Protect him from side effects from his treat and let him grow strong in wisdom, stature and knowledge of you, our Lord so he may carry out your perfect will for his life. What the enemy meant for evil Lord use for good. Lord let James walk tall and strong all his days as he leads others to follow you.

Restore function and feeling to my brother’s face. Cast out the illness from his body. Heal his mind, body, and soul. Let him rise up so he may walk in renewed strength to continue the ministry you have called him to.

Lord thank you for the healing in Rhonda. Thank you for giving me and other friends of hers the story of Lazarus as she was on our hearts. Though she was intubated and her heart stopped for 6 minutes , you Lord Jesus told her Rise up , come out of your death clothes. Thank you and praise you that she is communicating again and will soon go from ICU to a rehabilitation unit to become stronger. Thank you for not letting Covid overcome her body.

Lord we pray for all those whose loved ones healing was not what they prayed for but the ultimate healing. Comfort them as they mourn. Lord help me and my family continue in our grief journey that we cling to our true hope, that we honor you and him as we carry on his legacy.

Lord help me to continue to prepare my heart for what you would have me learn and don’t this advent season. And since I have never asked this, Lord you gave me the passion and talent for writing now I pray that you bless it so I may fulfill my will and bring you glory.

In the powerful name of Y’shua Ha Mashiach- Amen

Advent Prayer

It took an extra day, but I finally decided upon my Advent reading for this year. I chose this work of Malcolm Guite and look forward to diving in and see how the Lord chooses to teach me through this work. However, before I dive in I must offer up my own Advent prayer.

My advent prayer-
Most Holy Lord, I wait for you. As I wait I pray that you would return me to my first love of Christ Jesus. Awaken my soul as parts of it have lain dormant in the harsh cold of life, loss, and out of mere survival instinct in a season of tumultuous tempests. Yet now the fog has lifted, the waters are not raging ,though they are not fully calm. My soul had a little respite. It was a long hard stormy season, but you have sent your dove with the olive branch saying to me “come out. It is safe. The greatest of the storm is passed for now and there is work to do. ” Rebuilding and building and planting and sowing. Lord as I wait show me what fields are mine to tend as you know I am an eager worker and aim to please so when I am committed I tend to take on more than you would have me do which leads to weariness and limits my fruitfulness. You do not intend me to be complacent or slothful or stagnant and yet you do not intend me to bear a burden too great. I do not know my limits. I underestimate and overestimate my abilities. Maker of my soul, you know. Grant me O Lord the wisdom to discern which is my field to tend and strengthen me to get busy about your work so that I may by your grace cooperate and assist in your kingdom building. What a great God you are! You do not need us for your work, but so sweetly invite us into it so that we may grow and be fruitful.
Lord as I enter this season of reflection, slowing, contemplation, and penitence make your will for my life quite clear. Lord I seek you. Assist me with thy grace to seek you with my whole heart, mind, and soul.

In the powerful name of our risen Lord and Savior Y’shua, Emmanuel- Amen