Tag: health

Letting Go in 2024???

One of the hardest things for me to “let go” of is my expectations and desire to please and do everything. I cannot do everything, even all that I want to do. I have to accept my limitations. Those limitations can be time, finances, conflicting duties, or even a need to just rest. This weekend I wanted to do two different things. I knew they both could not occur. Some things came up and I missed one thing, so I was hopeful to make the other. The potential winter weather , the duties to prep for that and some other duties because my husband is away for the weekend means not only did I miss the one thing, I missed the other thing too. I kept trying to find a way I could make it happen. I could try, but it was not realistic. So I missed two very good things this weekend. God is using this time for me to accomplish some other less glamorous, but necessary tasks. I have some downtime with just me and my daughter as well. There is a laundry list (pun intended) of things needed doing that I also am getting done because I had to miss the 2 things.

Sometimes letting go of expectations is the hardest thing. I had one expectation of what this weekend would be. That did not happen. Plan B didn’t either. I am making an effort to learn to be content no matter my situation. So first, I will lament missing the things, otherwise just pretending it’s ok is not true to the situation or myself. Then I will carry on with the things that lay before me and find the sparkles of joy and pearls hiding in the muck of errands and housework, because they are there. So here’s to letting go in 2024! First stop is the hardest – letting go of expectations. If I can keep up with this letting go theme this year , it should be an interesting ride around the sun!?!?! You game??

Another Surge

I am exhausted and frustrated and concerned.

I have never seen such hard heartedness in my life. I know there was a lot of confusion and people didn’t know who to trust, but for people who know me I am giving honest accounts of what I assess and treat.

It angers me this is so politicized that we can’t even have honest conversations. Lines were drawn, sides chosen and we pay no mind to what is really going on.

I am not saying to listen to the talking heads they have their own motives. But with millions of healthcare professionals you are bound to know some. Ask them what they are seeing.

The volumes are high again. Yes we wanted it to be over too, we preferred it when there were only cases trickling in. We knew it wasn’t over because we were still treating those trickling cases.

Glad we had a reprieve and we all mentally needed some normalcy. What makes me most angry is we can’t take the lessons we learned so far and make good , healthy, reasonable decisions. It is still one extreme or another.

Tired of the seesaw. There are reasonable actions to take, but we cannot do that. It’s not sensational.

Sometimes I wish certain people had an insight into what I see every day as I practice medicine. Then maybe we might be more mindful and less likely to go to work with a fever for a couple of days.

We are tired, we are frustrated, but we will keep treating and caring for all. It is what our calling and passion is.

Out with old… well not all of it

Dad thrilled to have his traditional black eyed peas and cabbage for New Years Day even in the hospital

Happy New Year! As most of us are all too thrilled to put 2020 behind us as it proved a challenging year for most with a global pandemic and all, I too join in the hope of a better 2021. The reality that it won’t come overnight is manifested by my Dad’s hospitalization 2 days ago and the revelation on New Year’s Eve that he is currently in acute renal failure. He suffered a stroke on June 12 this year. He has overcome many odds and has made quite a recovery, but had a ways to go. Then on Saturday things began to change. His appetite decreased. He started complaining of pain. It was then I knew for certain something was wrong. My Dad not only has a pretty good pain tolerance, he is also quite stoic. To say he is not a complainer is an understatement. So when he called out in pain, I knew something significant was going on. I will spare all the details about the first ER visit and things missed by that ER doctor. It does not really contribute to my point.

So Dad has non-COVID pneumonia and acute renal failure. Thankfully his pain is improving and we are watching and praying for his kidneys to do the same. Today what he wanted the most was to have his traditional New Year’s Day meal with black eyed peas and cabbage.

This is an age old tradition to have good luck and prosperity for the upcoming year. It was something he has always done. My mom (his ex-wife) is his current caregiver and had prepared it for him. We just had to confirm with the nurse he had no dietary restrictions. Once we did, as I was visiting him today, I was able to meet Mom in the parking lot (only one visitor allowed in the hospital a day due to Covid restrictions as cases are peaked now) and get his requested meal and take it to him. He perked up and enjoyed his meal! It was good to see him so happy! It was good to see him actually wanting to eat as his appetite had been poor for a couple of weeks.

What strikes me the most as I reflect on this moment is this: while a clean slate, a fresh page, a new year is something we all want, need, and even crave there is something to be said about holding on to what is good from the past.

Out with the old and in with the new is too simplistic and not really gratifying. There is so much old that is valuable and even necessary. It feels like tradition is an endangered species. Cue the Fiddler on the Roof opening music. But seriously, Tevye is right,”Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as… as… as a fiddler on the roof!”

We are to seek and hold fast to what is good! This means hold onto what is good. Hold onto the old that is good as we seek what is new that is good. We must quit throwing the baby out with the bath water.

For today tradition in the form of a simple meal brought a 70 year old man who has worked hard all his life to provide for his family, who endured a divorce and all the aftermath, who care for his second wife until cancer took her too soon from him, who is spending out his days with a mind that is alert and a body that shows the toll of time. Today tradition brought some small joy to a man I love who has had a pretty rough week.

Yes we want to turn loose the ties that bind and break the yokes of oppression. But let us not be so hasty to cut every tie and chain only to find later that one of those chains was actually an anchor.

Happy New Year!

L’chaim!

Tradition!!!!!!