End of Myself

A Strive and Achiever’s Epiphany

Striving,performing, achieving and when the accomplishment is done oh the elation!!!

But oftentimes life pulls us in so many directions that many tasks are partially completed and very few make it to the mission accomplished status. 

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, sister in Christ, friend, Nurse Practitioner, cousin, niece…medical consult, prayer warrior….

So many roles with so many duties…no matter what I always feel I come up short and have not done enough.

“You can’t save the world Shelly” I hear my mother in law’s loving advice echo in my mind many times. When she would say them to me time and again after any talks we had at her breakfast table with TV in the corner going on while we talked…I would think , “ok Mom but I see you doing the same things….”

 She was definitely the matriarch and the glue. Financial manager of her family, relational director, advisor though in my years as her daughter-in-law this was not a role she offered, but almost gave begrudgingly despite my earnest desire to hear her words of wisdom. As wise as she was she probably developed this tactic after many times when offered wisdom was not wanted or appreciated. So she decided in her later years not to meddle. 

Oh, Mom were you here even now you would still have to say those words to me, but you would be met instead of silent arguments in my mind because out of respect I would never say them out loud to Mary Lou Huckaby…but yes Mom you were right. I cannot save the world. It is not my job. It’s been done already, only some don’t see it.

 As the world is saved it is also being saved and yet to be saved and I too am not capable or worthy of such a trait. I would be more likely to wield Excalibur or Mjölnir. I can’t save the world Jesus did. 

But what is it in me that always feels the need to strive, achieve, mend, health , fix , repair , make better….

It is part of my makeup and helps me fill all the roles listed above well, but I must in doing my part I must remember this:

I have limits. It is OK , we all have limits. I cannot DO everything or BE everything to everyone or anyone.I must do my best. What happens is I get caught up in all that needs doing and I get overwhelmed and I shut down at times and do nothing or I go into some hyper-force energetic hill charge to take on the mountain of tasks with determination, vim and vigor only to find about 40% up the mountain that my expectations were not realistic…but this realization only comes after feeling defeated, unworthy, and frustrated. Then I either have a mini pity party and get back up and charge again or I spend a few hours just doing nothing, stuck in neutral before I realize that mountain isn’t going to climb itself you know.
There are hills to charge that are intended for me to climb, but my greatest challenge is sorting out what is mine and what is not….

Author: sillypoeticnurse

A silly poet, writer, Nurse Practitioner, wife, and mom always looking for a way to share hope.

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