Tag: stroke recovery

Out with old… well not all of it

Dad thrilled to have his traditional black eyed peas and cabbage for New Years Day even in the hospital

Happy New Year! As most of us are all too thrilled to put 2020 behind us as it proved a challenging year for most with a global pandemic and all, I too join in the hope of a better 2021. The reality that it won’t come overnight is manifested by my Dad’s hospitalization 2 days ago and the revelation on New Year’s Eve that he is currently in acute renal failure. He suffered a stroke on June 12 this year. He has overcome many odds and has made quite a recovery, but had a ways to go. Then on Saturday things began to change. His appetite decreased. He started complaining of pain. It was then I knew for certain something was wrong. My Dad not only has a pretty good pain tolerance, he is also quite stoic. To say he is not a complainer is an understatement. So when he called out in pain, I knew something significant was going on. I will spare all the details about the first ER visit and things missed by that ER doctor. It does not really contribute to my point.

So Dad has non-COVID pneumonia and acute renal failure. Thankfully his pain is improving and we are watching and praying for his kidneys to do the same. Today what he wanted the most was to have his traditional New Year’s Day meal with black eyed peas and cabbage.

This is an age old tradition to have good luck and prosperity for the upcoming year. It was something he has always done. My mom (his ex-wife) is his current caregiver and had prepared it for him. We just had to confirm with the nurse he had no dietary restrictions. Once we did, as I was visiting him today, I was able to meet Mom in the parking lot (only one visitor allowed in the hospital a day due to Covid restrictions as cases are peaked now) and get his requested meal and take it to him. He perked up and enjoyed his meal! It was good to see him so happy! It was good to see him actually wanting to eat as his appetite had been poor for a couple of weeks.

What strikes me the most as I reflect on this moment is this: while a clean slate, a fresh page, a new year is something we all want, need, and even crave there is something to be said about holding on to what is good from the past.

Out with the old and in with the new is too simplistic and not really gratifying. There is so much old that is valuable and even necessary. It feels like tradition is an endangered species. Cue the Fiddler on the Roof opening music. But seriously, Tevye is right,”Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as… as… as a fiddler on the roof!”

We are to seek and hold fast to what is good! This means hold onto what is good. Hold onto the old that is good as we seek what is new that is good. We must quit throwing the baby out with the bath water.

For today tradition in the form of a simple meal brought a 70 year old man who has worked hard all his life to provide for his family, who endured a divorce and all the aftermath, who care for his second wife until cancer took her too soon from him, who is spending out his days with a mind that is alert and a body that shows the toll of time. Today tradition brought some small joy to a man I love who has had a pretty rough week.

Yes we want to turn loose the ties that bind and break the yokes of oppression. But let us not be so hasty to cut every tie and chain only to find later that one of those chains was actually an anchor.

Happy New Year!

L’chaim!

Tradition!!!!!!

Roller Coaster

It was a definite hill and valley day. The transitions between were rapid causing the roller coaster ride feeling- the adrenaline and excitement of the high and deep pitted nausea with the sudden dips.

This morning as I pulled into work I heard my email notification on my phone. After parking I glanced down and noticed there was an email from the publisher to whom I had submitted some of my work back in April.

Anxiously, I read the email which informed me the 3 short stories and 4 poems I had submitted were all accepted for publication in an upcoming anthology. I was thrilled! This propels me forward as a writer and closer to a major life goal.

Elated, but with much to do I dove into work with another full schedule of patients due to COVID.

Later that morning, I would have a meeting with the interdisciplinary team at Dad’s skilled nursing facility to get an update on his progess. I was hoping not only to learn of his progess, but to get insight into how long they think he will remain in their care. We still had to figure out where he would be discharged and in order to plan for that knowing his medical needs was crucial.

During the meeting I learned Dad’s mobility and functional status with updates from physical and speech therapy. Unfortunately, however, I did not get any light shed on an estimated discharge day. They essentially repeated insurance dictates how long they will pay based upon his skilled nursing need and once they choose to discontinue coverage we have three days. 3 days! That is not enough time to plan anything like this.

My siblings and I had not reached a decision because we did not know what care Dad would need, what all of our options were, the cost of each option, the resources available, and we were also balancing all of our other life demands. This is uncharted waters. Yes, I am a healthcare provider, however, I don’t deal with insurance or financial aspects (thank God). I just take care of people. So as the eldest sibling I would lead the charge and yet the reality was I was fumbling blindly in the dark through a room none of us wanted to be in, especially Dad.

My stomach was as if I had circus monkeys wrecking a tent. It was a quick drop to a low spot on this ride. My head spinning, I had to clutch onto reason. I knew the harsh reality is we needed a discharge plan ASAP. I did not know where to begin. In the valley of uncertainty, fear, and deep concern for my father I was overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I wanted to scream, cry, run and hide all at the same time.

I pressed on.

The theme of my 3 short stories that I submitted were this: God’s provision in an unexpected family tragedy, God’s mercy and grace has no boundaries,  God’s presence and love reflected in caregiving. Those stories are inspired by events of my life  6 years ago and greater. I have run through those stories over and over since submitting them. As an aspiring author, one hopes to have work that not only reaches an audience, but to also know their work is really good enough to have an impact and meaning. So as I currently recalled each story in the back and forth thoughts in my mind, I decided to stay there for a minute. In the space where the themes of these stories lived in my mind I remembered the family tragedy and God making his presence undeniably known through each step. I dwelt on God’s provision, mercy, and grace illustrated in each of these works. There that is where I needed to rest my mind for just a bit.

Reminded of God’s faithfulness and renewed with resolve I pushed on.
Now the new challenge is navigating uncharted waters of finding long term care for Dad because of his limitations after the stroke leaves him requiring complex medical care and constant supervision. His needs are great. Our financial resources are limited. But I press on with hope because of our loving, merciful, all powerful, and infinitely resourceful God. I also hang on with hope to the truth that as much we love Daddy, God loves him even more.

I am your God and will take care of you until you are old and your hair is gray. I made you and will care for you; I will give you help and rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4