Happy Heavenly Birthday Daddy!
To say I miss you is an understatement, but hope and joy from the hope of Christ wraps the lament in this beautiful peace. Most of the time when I think of you this Peace is the superseding emotion, but from time to time the lament overpowers it and that’s ok- the hope remains.
It wasn’t always this way. The early days in the fog of the grief not only was the lament stronger, there were times the fog of grief was so heavy you couldn’t even tread water- the day to day simple things I had done hundreds of times felt like someone placed weights on my body and made me walk through quicksand. Oh it was foggy, so you had to tread it not seeing but a few steps ahead of you. Even in those heavy days I held onto hope and faith in knowing you were free, but the heavy days were heavy.
I share so that others in the fog of grief right now can know two things. ONE- you can have faith and hope and still feel the heavy weight of grief and TWO- in time the fog does lift and light breaks through. You carry the grief with you always but it is not so heavy. If you are in the fog of grief I am praying for you – hold fast .. the light will break through…….
Daddy, I hated the stroke limited your body and caused you struggles. However a gift was your inhibitory mechanism to remain stoic and quiet was impacted so we had some of the best conversations. I got to know what you really thought!! I enjoyed our time watching Westerns, though now it all feels too short.
One always laments the time they didn’t spend and it’s too easy to get sucked into that vacuum of regret and I know you wouldn’t have me do that so instead I will cherish all the times we did have while knowing the love between a father and their child is not dependent on being in the same room.
Daddy thanks for working so hard for us, teaching us so much, and taking us fishing!!! I love you and will #seeyouinalittlewhile
Stabbing Windmills 